Ozzy and Me

Addiction is a terrible thing. 

Many years ago, Haven had to live through a lesson on drugs and substance abuse.  We had just moved into our first brand new home and I allowed Haven to have a television in her room. 

One Saturday afternoon, I walked into her room to find her watching 'The Osborne's,' a reality television show about Ozzy Osborne and his family.  As I went to the television to turn it off, Haven asked me a question, and I had to think for a second about how I could use the answer as a lesson.

If you've watched the show, you would know that more often than not, Mr. Osborne was not very easy to understand.  He mumbled incoherently and made no sense.  I think that was all part of the allure of his show; to see how incredibly messed up he was.  I can only imagine what a 9 year old thought.

I sat down on Haven's bed, and told her that should she ever decide to do drugs that she might end up just like him, minus the millions of dollars and mansion.  Haven asked very good questions and I tried to answer them to the best of my ability.  Haven finally said, "I feel bad for his family."

Haven has had some experience with substance abuse.  I nearly drank myself to death after my father died.  Those are six months that I can never give back to my daughter, and live every day trying to make it up to her.  It was an enormous failing on my part as a mother, whether grief was to blame or not.  She did not just lose my father, I was lost to her for an entire six months and am lucky that no camera crew was able to document my actions. 

I got better after my father came to me in a dream.  Maybe it was my sub-conscious telling me that I knew right from wrong, but I would like to believe that my father really did sit on the edge of my bed and tell me to "get better or die."  I had an entire conversation with him that night.  He told me that he knew that I was sad, but that he was gone, and that it was my job to care for Haven the way she deserved.  He said that Haven needed me and to start acting like the person he raised.  He would not hear any of my excuses.  I woke up the next morning and began to deal with his death. 

A year later as I sat on my daughter's bed discussing Ozzy Osborne, I apologized to Haven. Now that she is half way through her high school experience, I often ask her what she remembers about me and Ozzy.  She laughs when it comes to Ozzy; she hugs me when it comes to me.  Children are incredibly forgiving.

I know that Haven may chose to experiment, but I honestly think she will make good decisions based on some of the things she has seen during her lifetime.  I cringe when I see celebrities struggle with addictions, and the media glorifying them in a way in order to make money.  They have families that suffer through the addiction right along with the celebrity.  My Haven suffered right along with me.

I hope that she will not judge me by what I've done in the past, but by who I am today.

I, I, I, I Work Out

     I absolutely never thought I would get to the point to where my daughter found my dancing embarrassing.  I am a young mother and I've prided myself in keeping up with the latest dance moves and such.  I have done this because Haven, the girls, and I hold "Dance Party USA" frequently in our living room.  "Dance Party USA" is a virtual dance move free-for-all, and if you ever have the opportunity to join us, you should.  It's a lot of fun.

     Last night, we had a small, impromptu DP, and all was going well until LMFAO entered the picture.  I hate those boys.

     I hate them because in my daughter's eyes, they have turned me into something creepy and disturbing.  Mind you, I do not generally try to embarrass myself in front of her by doing the dance moves that came straight out of my generation.  I do not do the running man or the rump-shaker even though I am an expert at both.  I do not engage in the tootsie roll or the Macarena because those dances are stupid, and didn't like them when they were popular.  I stay current.

     Last night, my daughters eyes and facial expressions told a different story.  It was a super sad moment for me.  I remember the way my Dad used to dance.  He really had the "I won't keep rhythm" finger shake down.  My Mom used to do this incredibly uncomfortable head bop thing that used to make me cringe.  THEY were embarrassing, but I thought that was because they were so much older than me and no where near my generation.  I am only 19 years older than Haven, and feel I should still be able to keep up.

     I have considered several scenarios in regards to this mishap.  Perhaps I was having an off night.  Perhaps these LMFAO boys created the most ridiculous dance on the planet, and no normal person would look good dancing to their music. Perhaps, I have indeed become my parents.  I don't know, but I am going to go with the second scenario.

     In any case, I am sure the next time we have "Dance Party USA" I will become a wallflower and wait for her to ask me to dance.