Ozzy and Me

Addiction is a terrible thing. 

Many years ago, Haven had to live through a lesson on drugs and substance abuse.  We had just moved into our first brand new home and I allowed Haven to have a television in her room. 

One Saturday afternoon, I walked into her room to find her watching 'The Osborne's,' a reality television show about Ozzy Osborne and his family.  As I went to the television to turn it off, Haven asked me a question, and I had to think for a second about how I could use the answer as a lesson.

If you've watched the show, you would know that more often than not, Mr. Osborne was not very easy to understand.  He mumbled incoherently and made no sense.  I think that was all part of the allure of his show; to see how incredibly messed up he was.  I can only imagine what a 9 year old thought.

I sat down on Haven's bed, and told her that should she ever decide to do drugs that she might end up just like him, minus the millions of dollars and mansion.  Haven asked very good questions and I tried to answer them to the best of my ability.  Haven finally said, "I feel bad for his family."

Haven has had some experience with substance abuse.  I nearly drank myself to death after my father died.  Those are six months that I can never give back to my daughter, and live every day trying to make it up to her.  It was an enormous failing on my part as a mother, whether grief was to blame or not.  She did not just lose my father, I was lost to her for an entire six months and am lucky that no camera crew was able to document my actions. 

I got better after my father came to me in a dream.  Maybe it was my sub-conscious telling me that I knew right from wrong, but I would like to believe that my father really did sit on the edge of my bed and tell me to "get better or die."  I had an entire conversation with him that night.  He told me that he knew that I was sad, but that he was gone, and that it was my job to care for Haven the way she deserved.  He said that Haven needed me and to start acting like the person he raised.  He would not hear any of my excuses.  I woke up the next morning and began to deal with his death. 

A year later as I sat on my daughter's bed discussing Ozzy Osborne, I apologized to Haven. Now that she is half way through her high school experience, I often ask her what she remembers about me and Ozzy.  She laughs when it comes to Ozzy; she hugs me when it comes to me.  Children are incredibly forgiving.

I know that Haven may chose to experiment, but I honestly think she will make good decisions based on some of the things she has seen during her lifetime.  I cringe when I see celebrities struggle with addictions, and the media glorifying them in a way in order to make money.  They have families that suffer through the addiction right along with the celebrity.  My Haven suffered right along with me.

I hope that she will not judge me by what I've done in the past, but by who I am today.