Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Light A Fire Under It

Have you ever noticed just how slow teenagers walk?  My daughter just might put that entire population to shame.

I swear to you she practices slowing the speed of her walk every time I am near her.  I don't get it.  Isn't she on the track team?  Shouldn't she be at best, speedy?  There are times when this does not bother me, but other times, I want to zip myself out of my skin and light myself on fire.  (Not really, but really.)

I do not know if words can adequately express just how slow she walks, but here is my humble attempt:

SHE'S REALLY SLOW.

She's a girl, so I will honestly not complain about the amount of time she spends in the shower, the bathroom, how long it takes her to put her make-up on, or the amount of time it takes her to dry and straighten her six feet of hair every morning.  All of those things listed above are necessary and require a little time and effort.

But, I am going to suggest she walk to places like -- to and from the car -- at a faster rate of speed.   If she would just accelerate her walking, my life would be exponentially improved and she would not have to see me turn on MOM MODE: CRAZY.

I know she doesn't walk this slow on purpose.  I've considered she may be daydreaming, and if she is, I would not want to stifle whatever fantasy is going on in her head.  I would, however, like for her to daydream at a faster pace, and get her little butt to the car so that we may get her to school and social events on time.

Or maybe I could figure out a way for this not to bother me, which is likely not to happen.

I've tried counting to 10, working on being patient, and telling myself that I am not the only parent dealing with this, but my dang internal dialogue will not SHUT UP.

It says things like:
"Hurry up, Haven!"
"Come on, Haven!"
"Walk a little faster, Haven." and,
"OH MY GOD HAVEN IF YOU DO NOT HURRY UP, I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND AND THEN EVERYONE IS GOING TO EXPERIENCE CRAZY LESLIE, SO WALK A LITTLE FASTER AND GET IN THE EVER-LOVIN' CAR FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY."

Ugh.  Once she's in the car, I spend the remainder of the drive trying not to think about how slowly she is going to walk away from my car.  Some college or hospital somewhere has to have studied teenagers at length.  They must know the cause for this.  I did not walk this slow as a teenager -- I'm sure I was 'slowish' but not this slow.  I don't know, my Mother may disagree.

In any case, I will continue to pray for a happy teenager, with faster walking.

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