Remember when we were kids and we liked to throw parties at our parent's homes when they were out of town? Remember when the cops were called and we scattered like seeds in the wind? Remember when I never got caught drinking and made it out of high school with out having to sit in the back of a Sheriff Deputy's patrol car? Well, my daughter can't say that.
My daughter is a liar; She's a damn good liar. She is a better liar than I was at her age. She's so good that she convinced me that the crap coming out of her mouth was the truth. And if you can't tell, I'm pissed.
I'm pissed because I have given her every opportunity to have a different relationship with me than I had with my own mother-- A relationship built upon honest communication and openness. Now it looks like we have to have the same relationship that I had with my mother. And having been through that type of relationship once already, I can tell you that this isn't going to be fun.
Within the last 5 months she has consistently done things to make me question her thinking, and those things have tested my nerves. I mean really, four minor car accidents and a ticket for failing to stop at a stop sign have altered my mood just a bit. One weekend she walked into the house and I KNEW she was hungover. She's been a pain in the ass to her sisters and a little bit bitchy with me. Catching her drinking in the bath tub was almost the catalyst of me epically losing my shit with her. But I remained calm and asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. I've openly asked her questions and assured her that I would not be mad if she told me the truth. But she made the choice to keep silent.
I sincerely thought the loss of her friend would catapult her back to the girl she once was. I know now that girl is gone forever. Haven is never going to be that girl again.
I remember when I lost myself as a girl; I still am sad about that lost soul I was at 17. I've never seen that Leslie again, the innocence I once held inside of me. I watched her disappear like water droplets on a very hot day. Now, I watch as Haven does the same, and it is the most heart breaking thing I've ever seen.
But because I know that loss, that doesn't mean that I am going to let what she chooses to do to herself slide in the least. I'm still her parent. I'm the only parent she has.
I always told Haven that if she got caught drinking at a party to call someone else to come bail her out. Never in a million years did I think she would get in this type of trouble. Never in a million years did I think she would call the guy I just started dating. He brought her home to me at 4:45 in the morning. She was very drunk.
Haven threw a rockin' party at her Grandmother's house while my mother was away on vacation. This party was so awesome the cops were called three different times. This party was so flipping wonderful, my daughter was put into handcuffs and thrown in the back of a patrol car.
It was not until the next afternoon that I discovered the distruction she had done to her Grandmother's home. My mother's home smells like beer, urine and sex. In total, Haven and my boyfriend picked up 8 trash bags of beer cans, liquor bottles, jello shot containers and 3 used condoms. When I arrived at my Mother's home after working all day, I seriously wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for my mother, and anyone who knows me knows that that relationship isn't the best even in good times.
It was not easy for me to make that phone call to tell my mother what my daughter had done to her home. The call did not end well for either one of us. We both cried.
Then I looked at my daughter and I became so enraged that I screamed at her to call all of her friends and tell them to get their faces in front of me, like now. I gave them two choices: Face me, or I was going to let my mother unleash a load of crazy the likes they've never seen before. Some kids showed up, but not all. Some of those friends were genuinely sorry and promised to help Haven come up with the money to clean my mother's home and carpets. Haven found out who her friends were.
Seriously, some of these kids (apparently mine included) need a huge wake-up call. I don't exactly know what that wake-up call might be. You would think a dead friend and being handcuffed in the back of a patrol car would be it, but you never know with these kids. I guess I didn't finally wake up until I gave birth to Haven. I hope it doesn't take that for her to find herself again.
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