Sexy Cars and Teenagers

     Something happens to me when people drive recklessly around me when I have my children in the car.  It gets my internal and external dialogue talking at the same time, and my blood pressure soars to high heaven.  If the other driver is particularly reckless, these two dialogues merge into one profanity laden banter that scares even me.  I blame it on the high blood pressure.  But, it is even worse when the other driver is a teenager, especially so if the other driver is a teenage boy.

     At the beginning of this school year I told you my feelings about children driving better cars than most adults I know.  It is just not right, in my opinion, especially in a recession.  These kids have not worked a day in their lives for vehicles of this caliber, and are rewarded with such in order for their parents to keep up with appearances.  It brings about a bravado that would not be present had these parents gifted, say a Hyundai.  Giving a child a $50,000 car permits them to behave as if money is no object and it is reflected in their driving, especially with boys.  That's the truth-- plain and simple.  It irks me when I see a seventeen year old driving the same car my friend drives.  My friend is a mid-level OFFICER in the military, not a seventeen year old athlete.  Good LORD!  There is something wrong with this picture. 

     Today on the way to drop Haven off at her high school and as I crossed the intersection of Affluent and More Affluent, some little kid in a BRAND NEW BMW got so close to my back bumper that it got my internal dialogue whispering.  It said, "Hey Buddy, you are a bit close, back off a little." 

     He didn't and got even closer to my car. 

     The conversation in my head was now at an audibly loud level.  Outwardly I said, "What is this kid doing?"  Internally I said, "Alright asshole, if you want to wreck your sexy, black car, I'm all for it."  I did not act on that, however, as my children were with me.

     The ironic thing about this incident was that the other lane was open.  He could have just gone around me.  He could have sped past me and called me old for going the speed limit.  He could have given me the bird and called it a day. 

     But, he didn't.

     I knew what was about to happen.  I knew that my two dialogues would merge into one.  I knew that I would have to talk to my children after it was all said and done about appropriate driving behavior.  I knew I would have to apologize to my 4 year old for using the F-word.  A lot. 

     The teenager angrily pulled up next to me and then swerved into my lane, pushing me almost onto the sidewalk, while honking wildly. 

     Really?   You are a teenage road rager?  Nice.

MY INTERNAL DIALOGUE:  You piece of shit, you are so lucky you did not hit my car with my children in it!  If you had hit my car, you'd better hope that you were injured.  After checking to see if my children were okay, I would have pulled you out of that $60,000 car and kicked the shit out of you until every entitled bone in your body was broken or until the police came to pull me off of you.  And then I would kick the shit out of your parents.  I would beat the ever-loving-shit out of your parents right in front of you!  (This goes on and on, but with a lot more profanity.  You get the picture.)

(And don't act like you don't candidly talk to yourself about what happens to your children either.  Don't act like you don't fantasize about what you would do if someone hurt them.)

MY EXTERNAL DIALOGUE:  This is not for public consumption.  I used the F-word and had crazy eyes.  I talked about his mother.  I almost put my middle finger through the rolled-up window.

(I felt passionately about getting my point across.)

     Then the teenager darted across three lanes of traffic, two of which were on-coming, and disappeared into a neighborhood. 

     Obviously, this was not my finest moment, but in my defense I was scared.  He came that close to hitting us and he could have flipped my car.  My kids could have been hurt!  I am not going to apologize for what I inwardly or outwardly say when it comes to my kids.  What I said to this kid was appropriate and warranted and I would say it all again in the same situation, but maybe with more of a Christan undertone.  I don't know; Hindsight is 20/20.  
    
     What I do know is that in less than 11 days my daughter will be turning 16 and driving herself to school without me.  She will be thrown into the bravado mix and I am worried for her safety.  What if some teenage driver does this to her?  What if her reflexes are not as good as mine and she actually gets into a wreck?  Do you know what I would do if she were injured?  Killed?  I can't even think about it.

     The most positive thing I can take away from this incident was Haven's reaction. She gasped when he swerved at us and her brown eyes became mostly white.  She asked what was wrong with him.  Hopefully she will take something away from this experience, and I hope that it is not my colorful language...

     Surely she will not be as aggressive as these other drivers in her 1997 model truck.  Surely she will be more respectful of others around her.  If I hear any differently there will be hell to pay.