I love that Haven knows that she can tell me anything. I love that Haven knows that I will not judge the information she gives me. I love that we have a great relationship. I love that Haven comes to me instead of soliciting the advice of her friends.
In theory, this arrangement is ideal because I know what is going on with her and that is of utmost importance when raising a teenager. However, because she can tell me anything, I find that I know WAY more than any mother need know. There are times when I wish I didn't know everything.
Lord knows I never told my mother anything, and that is because she would be pissed off and bring the wrath of God down upon me. She was scary.
I made a vow when I found out that I was pregnant with Haven that I would want to know what was going on with her when she became a teenager, and told myself that I would be even more understanding when it came time to deal with the hard stuff: You know, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. I vowed that I would not approach those issues like an After School Special or a 7th grade sex-education video. I think I have done a pretty good job of giving Haven information that she can use to make wise decisions. Maybe I should have had access to some of her friends...
Virginity is a big concern for me. It was not easy to have a child at a young age and I'll pretty much do anything to prevent my daughter from following in my footsteps. Do not get me wrong, I love my life, but it was challenging for me. All a parent wants for her child is for them to have an easier life.
But knowing about what some of her friends do with others is a double edged sword. On one hand, I am glad that she is divulging all of the threesomes, alcohol fueled parties, and pregnancy scares, but there is another part of me that flirts on the edge of vomiting after these conversations. My Mom doesn't know how lucky she was. Seriously.
The information Haven gives me about her friends has made me rethink how I felt about myself in high school. I'm not trying to rewrite history by any means, but if I had known that girls (and boys) would be doing this stuff 16 years later (Please use your imagination. It really is worse than threesomes and pregnancy scares.), I wouldn't have been so hard on myself.
And really kids, just because there is a line in a movie about gang bangs, doesn't mean you all need to run trains on one another.
I just don't get when things changed from merely having sex in high school to hanging naked from the ceiling. Don't they know that is what college is for? Why are they trying to rush these things?
I've had conversations with other mother's and they blame this evolution on reality television. I guess I can agree with that. I somehow managed to make my high school experience come straight out of an episode of Dallas; Why wouldn't they model their behavior after the residents of Jersey Shore?
I do want Haven to keep talking to me, but I really need there to be a preventative way for me not to become physically ill when she does. I want there to be a way for me to look at her friends without the urge to say, "I know what you've done." I need there to be a device I can install onto Haven's person that will alert me as to when another human being is trying to get into her "business".
The end.
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