You Should See a Rock

     Haven has begun calling me by my first name.  I remember doing this to my mother because I got pleasure from watching her internally combust.  It bothered her, it doesn't bother me.   I would prefer being called, "Mom,"  but I am not going to stop Haven from doing so, because she thinks she is getting away with something.  Shoot, I'm a twin.  I'm kind of excited she gets my name right to begin with. 

     That doesn't mean that Haven does not do things that make me want to throw her across the Gulf of Mexico.  She's rather mouthy, and whether or not she gets that from me, is besides the point.  She also makes me laugh so hysterically that no amount of Botox will ever be able to repair the damage done by a laugh so hard that nothing comes out.

     The following are things that send me into orbit:

1.)  When Haven doesn't answer the phone.  I know she has it on her.  What teenager doesn't have their phone connected to their ear or thumbs?  I love it when she tells me that she didn't have her phone with her.  What do I look like?  A wife in denial?  Nice try. 

2.)   I HATE it when she takes my things without asking.  I should not have to gain a hundred pounds so that she will use her own clothing, and I should not have to hoard lime chips and IPhone chargers just so I can function.  Guess what?  I buy the stuff, so ASK! 

3.)  When I tell Haven, "No," and she asks, "Why?"  THIS is what happens EVERY TIME:  I calmly tell her why not, and she follows with, "But why?"  OHMYGOSH.  Kill me now!

4.)  When Haven goes somewhere and needs me to pick her up and doesn't know where she is.  This is my favorite.  I absolutely love her simplistic descriptions of the landmarks I am supposed to look for.  "You should see a rock."  A rock?  Really?  This entire flipping area is made up of rocks!

     One time, she told me she was five minutes from home, and  I ended up finding her on the WEST side of town, a good 20 miles from where she should have been.  This is what I ended up looking like when I found her:

     That's Joan Allen in The Upside of Anger.  Haven't seen the movie?  You should.   She does a great impression of my own mother.  Unfortunately, she also does a great impression of me.  Joan Allen nails me, and I suppose that's because I've turned into my mother.

5.)    When I am telling Haven to do something, and she interrupts me by saying, "Okaaaay, Mother," before I can complete my sentence.  Lord, that makes me crazy!  And when you add that to some serious eye rolling, it's a wonder I am not locked up with the general population.

     None of these things are criminal, just minor annoyances that when compiled together could send me straight into a straight jacket.  Comparatively speaking, my Haven is an angel.  I've heard the way some of her friends speak about and to their parents.  Maybe Haven does not do this because she really values her mother; she's always been way smarter than those her same age.